Today was a ‘normal’ day… well in terms of nothing really happened out of the ordinary. Let’s see; What did I do today? I spent a large portion of this day producing a song on FL Studio. I experienced much fun with that — started at approximately ten (10 am) and kept going until six (6 pm)… stopping in between a few sessions of coarse for: food, water, restroom, and also doing other stuff (checking email, YouTube) online. I also got in a few hours trimming the shrubs out in the yard.
I registered my final course for the coming University semester — “The Canadian Government” a political Science 101 class. This was cool because of the fact that the course had been full and just opened-up eight spaces this morning (Moses is attending the same school also, so when he received the email he forwarded me the tip). Moses and I will be living together as roommates as well. The school destination (Kelowna, BC) is an approximately four-hour (4hr) drive away from my current location . At the moment I am busy establishing a few prior requirements: a place to live, income stream, finances etc. I have less than six weeks to effectively get in gear. On that note I have some planning to write-out.
I wrote-out a few Pro’s and Con’s of going to school and living with Moses:
‘Pros’:
Financial assistance in terms of another responsible for half the fees required to live. (Share books, perhaps)
Support in terms of process discussions
Unconditional feedback system. Like minded therefore assistance is natural and unconditional.
Progressive within a stable agreement… two ‘real beings’ who are practising self-honesty = which imply no tolerance toward fucking around — rather focusing at the matter at hand.
‘Cons’:
Tendency to remain limited from the perspective of comfortability within reverting to old sibling/relationship patterns.
Potentially lean on another, thus abdicating self-responsibility
A ‘scape-goat’ to manipulate or be manipulated by.
All this can be managed. I have proved for myself success in managing these points, which has actually become supportive for seeing oneself within process. So, all in all this is a cool opportunity…
Below I will place a letter I was required to submit prior to being admitted to Uni:
Letter of Academic Intent-Mature
I have been doing self-investigations and have recently looked at the following question: Where will I place myself to be an effective participant in society?
For some time I have been resistant towards attending educational / post-secondary institution(s); I have always had anxiety within a classroom setting. I experienced this anxiety during elementary school, during high school and during the few semesters I attended college. Although for some time as far as I can recall I have always had a ‘passion’ for learning. My problem was I did not like the conventional-schooling arena because of certain fearful experiences linked to my childhood; specifically how I developed various limiting beliefs… perceiving school as rather difficult, which resulted immense anxiety within me.
Self-investigation has given me perspective to allocate the primary source of this anxiety. A clue to my discovery of this fear is; how I had a difficult time expressing myself within self-integrity. This is due to my particular disposition, wherein I lacked reliable/honest reference point / support system. I did not see or experience that growing up within my family construct. So, I developed challenges expressing who I am with integrity and conviction. Moreover, I resisted being perceived as ‘inferior’ (inferiority/superiority complex) — I learned this during childhood and carried this on towards later years. I wasn’t expressive; my limited interaction with teachers and students in the classroom compounded the anxiety within me. This anxiety caused an impact in relation to the level of my achieved performance.
After leaving high school, I found alternative methods for satisfying my passion for learning… I conducted personal studies — keeping myself busy covering various topics, always within the starting-point of attaining self-interest desires or ‘trying to develop myself’ for whatever I defined to be a gratifying end result. I did not have a specific direction with regards to topics of interest (it turned out a rather broad spectrum of study). Nonetheless, I managed to improve my reading comprehension and writing along the way.
I decided that I did not require a University education thinking that I can ‘learn on my own’ so to speak. In actuality, I created a barrier for myself, attempting to avoid experiencing University. However, on a subconscious level, I still believed that a University experience is the pre-requisite for ‘successes’ in this world. This added much conflict in terms of my general viewpoint in life. My fear and resistant towards school manifested a certain attitude: to merely survive, with no interest participating within a key role in society. Just trying to get by… I would say to myself: “I can do my own thing; I don’t need to really interact much within the system.”
Up until approximately a year ago I realized something fascinating and ‘life-changing’. I discovered that I held an adversarial relationship with the system in which we all operate within. Meaning, I viewed myself as an irresponsible victim in the system, rather than a responsible individual who can actually affect the system in a way that is not only beneficial to me, but everyone within my local/global environment as well. I discovered that this responsibility starts with me – so as I refine my abilities I can/will develop as the physical embodiment of support to humanity. I learned one cannot contribute anything substantial to society on one’s own, a viable support system is required that one may plug-into and place oneself effectively within ones world experience.
Somewhere along the way I became interested in world affairs. I became confronted with the ‘grim’ realities currently transpiring in this world. This caused a ‘shift’ in my view; I became engulfed with gratitude and realized how fortunate I am to have access to vital resources (education, food, shelter, and health care). I started asking questions about what I can do to assist those who are not as fortunate as I. I found that first I must become a completely self-responsible being.
In actually seeing the interconnectivity of the system in terms of how it functions, there is a sense of clarity towards what action I must take. The next step for me is to participate, develop and contribute at The University of British Columbia — to pursue studies in Politics and Law. My decision is to study Law and Politics because these topics in my view are at the ‘heart’ of the world system. Within studying I am refining my perceptions within a broad forum – a ‘gateway’ which will lead to an effective position within the ‘system’. There I will generate resources available to do my part in making a difference.
This fear that I have had of the ‘system’, I’m actually transcending it… because now I am embracing the system (starting with University and then the world) — not within my self-interest needs, but rather considering that which is best for all (global society). My life realisations has allowed me to see entering University as an opportunity to practically apply the knowledge and understandings I have amassed thus far… to become part of the solution towards contributing to society – making necessary adjustments as I have done and continue to do within myself. After all, knowledge without practical application is physically ineffective. I have decided the University of British Columbia is the institution I will complete my undergraduate studies at.
Nuru Andeku 29/06/10